She Walks Among Us

A very strange thing happened yesterday at work. It is strange for me, because I have never run into anybody (other than my therapist)  who has ever mentioned this subject out loud.

If I have not revealed my profession in this blog before, I am a retail pharmacist. As we were working in the pharmacy yesterday, one of the technicians was telling me about another pharmacist who becomes very flushed in stressful social situations and sometimes absentmindedly scratches her neck while she is in deep concentration. With what she imagined was harmless humor, she said that she told the pharmacist to be careful with that behavior, or she might turn into "one of those cutter people who cuts themselves".

Outwardly, I tried not to react. Inwardly, I said, "Come again?! Did you seriously just say that?!" I was shocked.

Then, another employee, a mild mannered and very compassionate woman, commented, "That must be really awful, to cut yourself on purpose like that". What could I say? To her I quietly replied, "Yeah, really awful".

What would they say if they knew that she walks among us? Yes, your cheerful, upbeat and witty pharmacist with the doctorate degree is one of those "cutter people". It is really awful! It is pretty awful to be obsessed with the the thought of how a sharp blade will feel slicing across your wrist. It's awful to feel like the only thing that will calm your nerves is the sting of that cut again and again.

I imagine the first employee meant no harm to me or to the other pharmacist. I certainly learned one thing from her, though: I should be careful with the words that I speak, because you never know who might be listening.