By the grace of God
I picked myself back up
I put one foot in front of the other
And I looked in the mirror
And decided to stay
Wasn’t gonna let love take me out that way
(from By the grace of God, Katy Perry)
"Write about...Virginia Slims". This was the assignment given to me by my therapist a couple of weeks ago. It wasn't the cigarettes, of course, that he intended for me to write about...it was the slogan. Many years ago (when we were still advertising cigarettes), Virginia Slims marketed its slim and femininely sophisticated brown cigarette to women using the slogan "You've come a long way, baby" - words with which I can relate.
When I first started this blog, I had just returned to therapy after a five year hiatus. I would not necessarily say this had been the beginning of the journey, but for the sake of comparison on this post, I will use that time as a starting point.
I had been buried in silence, and I have felt my way out from under the mound of garbage taking the proverbial leap of faith, sometimes blindly. I have allowed my voice to emerge and see the brightness of the day. It started out as a very small voice, too minuscule for the words it had to carry. But every day I feel it growing stronger and louder...sometimes trembling with the message but audible and clear. I've come a long way.
I had been captive in the bondage of fear, but I have untied the knots, loosened the ropes and walked away from my isolated confinement. My legs were insecure at first, but I put one foot in front of the other and each step was more certain and firmer than the last. I now see myself as brave, and I believe it internally...courageous describes me like it's the color of my eyes. I've come a long way.
My pain had been dark and desperate. I was consumed with self destruction, finding relief from the oppressive emotional agony only through physical harm to my body. I fell low, sometimes seeing no other way but death, but my therapist held my hand and never let go. With his arm as leverage, I was able to pick myself up and inhale life. I am now living the moments I once thought impossible, and I am surrounded by light. I've come a long way.
It has been a long, arduous journey, and I know that I am still traveling. The road, however, does get grassier for me as I carry on. Along the way, I have picked up nourishment and strength that will sustain me through further arid patches. I stand on different ground now. I've come a long way.
