You would think that by now I would have gotten over my dad not walking me down the aisle at my wedding. You would think that by now I wouldn't give a shit about what did or did not happen on that fateful day. I am, after all, running back up the aisle and exiting the church.
But I give a shit. I can't watch another virtuous bride take her father's steady arm to be guided down that uncertain path to the rest of her life without remembering how much it hurt that he simply didn't come. That I offered to pay for his tuxedo and his airfare as long as he just agreed to come. He never said no, but he never said yes. He just strung me along saying that maybe he would, until it inevitably turned into I can't. There was no real reason...he just never made up his mind to say yes.
How could a man not want to walk his daughter down the aisle? It is the fundamental question that I still can't answer. If you have done hardly anything right by your daughter and she allows you one more opportunity to show up, how could you possibly turn it down?
No way I was going to let him ruin my wedding day. I decided that I would walk alone. I had, after all, come this far without him. I could certainly walk a few more steps alone. I believe this is one of the best decisions I have made, and I think I was beautiful.
And so why now? Why still? Why do I still miss his arm supporting mine?
