The Girl Who Says Yes

In EMDR today I saw the girl who says yes. I looked at her, and I hated her. I was disgusted with her, and she looked back at me ashamed. I wish I could have done something...she was so sad. But I was afraid...that I'll always be the girl who says yes.

Bold and Brave

Bold and brave is how I would describe myself in EMDR today. It's not that I welcomed the memories; I was actually very afraid of them...but I didn't turn away from them. I faced them. When I found myself in my stepfather's van, I looked for the curtains. Where were we? Where did he do it? I want to remember, because there is power in remembering...in knowing what he did.

Cathartic Poetry

Sometimes writing is like food...can't go on without it. For me, these days, it's been back to the poetry...that old secret code of mine. It's how I started writing as a teen. I thought that if I wrote in cryptic poems, no one would know what I was writing about...and it worked.

Now, I've returned to the poems. They are so cathartic...I can get so much shit out in one little poem. And I'm not afraid to write them because, what the hell, no one knows what the fuck I'm writing about.

I wrote another one this morning...and now I feel like I can breathe.