Sometimes I just want to write all the dark thoughts that are in my head. I don't dwell on these throughout the day. I try to get through the day by allowing other people's rainbows to touch me.
...but at night there are no rainbows. It is dark, and I can't pretend anymore. At night, I remember that I feel like I am the monster and there is no way I can love myself. I remember the nightgowns that I cannot wear, because they are triggers...they never were before.
At night, I want to hurt myself (thank God for the ice). I want to cry. Pain engulfs my heart, and I hate myself for just living the life I live.
So, maybe Annie knew something; 'The sun'll come up TOMORROW". I do not think that is just a "feel good" song. More like a Promise !
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Delete...and it did :)
Thinking of you
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DeleteThanks :)
I'm sorry. I've mentioned it before but I am queen of distraction -- music, audiobooks, anything that will shut off my mind or rather transport me to another place. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteThanks GH. Night has never really been the best part of the day for me. I am actually afraid of the dark...it's when my demons like to come visit.
Deleteas inane as this may sound . . . can you sleep with a small night light?
DeleteYes, I sort of do.
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