I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself.
If I could just come in, I swear I'll leave.
Won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself.
If I could just come in, I swear I'll leave.
Won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.
(from The House That Built Me, Miranda Lambert)
Sometimes we just need our moms. "We never outgrow our need for good parenting", shared my therapist with me yesterday as I cried and cried in his office, because for goodness' sake, I just want my mom!
I want for her to come and be with me. I want her help. I want her to be that grown-up who quietly guides me and lets me know that I'm doing the right thing...because she went through this also, and she was afraid also but ultimately her courage shone through and won.
...but she wanted her mom too...and she went to her.
I want to rest in her house...lie in the bed in her spare bedroom and rest, sleep protected and trouble-free. I wonder if she would be troubled if I held nothing in and cried for a long time. There are so many tears left to cry, and I don't want to hold them in...it hurts so much to do that.
I want to let them flow freely down my cheeks like a stream coming down the mountain to feed the river below...and then sleep in the shade of her life-giving tree.
I didn't cry for over 15 yrs, now I seem to be on a bubbling rampage! It's good to let them go... very cleansing/healing if you are able to do that
ReplyDeleteYes, it is. When I sat with my therapist and cried, it was comforting to feel like I did not have to continue to hold that burden in...I could set it down and exhale...and cry.
DeleteI hope you are able to gather some comfort from your tears also. It's really good to see you around here again :)
"Call your mamma; I wish I could." 'Bear' Bryant, legendary football coach at Univ of Ala., when making a telephone commercial a few years ago.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I read your comment and did just that. We had a very good talk :)
DeleteI know how you feel. Even as complicated as my relationship with my mom is, I feel more grounded when I talk to her. I love that Miranda Lambert song. Thinking of you. Gonna catch up on blog reading later today and yours is at the top of my list. The end of school is nuts, and I'm ready for some relaxation.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by GH. We are going through end of the year insanity here also, so I understand.
DeleteI definitely felt more grounded after talking to my mother. It's funny, when I listen to that song and watch the beautiful video, it's not my childhood home that I imagine visiting; it's the home where she lives now, the one I have visited only as an adult.