Sometimes I Forget

Sometimes I forget...truly, I forget. This happens when I am talking or writing...when I am on the verge of speaking or writing something painful or otherwise difficult. When I finally organize my thoughts and build up the courage enough to expose my pain, my thought swiftly disappears. I can almost see and feel it drifting away from me...leaving my mind like a beautiful soul would leave a dead body. I am left alone and bewildered, knowing that seconds ago the memory was mine to reveal. I appear to be lost in thought, but really I am grasping the empty air for that lost idea. "How is it possible?", I think, "that I cannot retrieve the words that were so ready to flow just seconds ago?"

When this happens, I feel robbed and, yes, crazy. I know that the more I try to retrieve the words, the more my mind will shut down and refuse to yield, so I have to leave it alone. I sit silently with my therapist, or I close my blog post and leave it as a draft, hoping one day the memories will feel safe enough to emerge out of dark silence.

Does anything like this ever happen to anybody else? I would love to know how others handle this kind of phenomenon. I imagine it is some kind of protective or coping mechanism. I know that stress can affect memory, and I have certainly been experiencing this lapse more frequently of late. Still, it makes me feel crazy, and I would hate feel like I am the only one on this bus.