The Rides

Let me tell you about "the rides". This story wants to be told. He warned me not to tell, but I can no longer be silent.

My stepfather abused me from the time that I was ten years old until I was sixteen.Sometime after I became a teenager, he started taking me for rides alone in his van. The night visits were not enough, or my mother suspected. I don't really know.

During these rides, he would drive along lonely, forgotten back roads. They were dirt roads without names and overgrown with brush. I was very afraid. I had no idea where I was and knew that I could not get back home without him.

After securing a hidden place to park, he would take me in the back of the van...and violate me...and tell me to do things to him. I obliged. How else would I get home if I did not?

I obliged...and felt dirty for it every time. I felt like I was consenting and somehow betraying my mother.

I cannot (will not) remember anymore. I think I know what's next in EMDR.