Niagara and EMDR

I've calmed down some since yesterday. I am sure that the prospect of having two consecutive days off completely to myself might aid in my mood. Oh sweet "Me Time".

So last night I worked with "The Guy Who Bumps Me", who henceforth will be known as Niagara.

The location where Niagara works is incredibly difficult to work in. The work load is immense, the staffing is minimal, and the expectations are unattainable (hmm, that sounds just like corporate America). As a matter of fact, a fellow pharmacist refuses to work there under the grounds that she nearly had an infarction one day while there on duty. This is what I do. In exchange for working the schedule that I want, I go to places where others do not dare step foot.

Needless to say, surviving a day at this location requires a strong mind, a positive attitude and absolutely no drama or emotional distractions! Niagara has been an emotional distraction for me.

Niagara is a very large man - he has me by about 200 pounds. He has become quite a source of stress for me. Niagara is actually a pretty nice guy. He engages well with customers, always has a positive attitude, hardly ever lets me take the heat for anything (even though that would be my job, not his), and gets along rather well with his colleagues. He is so nice that when he comes over to say something to me, he often lays his hand on my shoulder while he is talking. This is not appropriate at work. It bothers me. Actually, I shuddered when I wrote that. I like Niagara, but dammit, I am the pharmacist, and I do not want anyone to touch me at work! EVER! I can't think of any exceptions (well, sometimes I hug with some female friends). I might shake hands with a drug rep or a patient...that's it!

Worse than the laying of the hands, though, is the bumping. I don't know how he manages this, but he tends to walk so close to me sometimes that he actually bumps me as he passes. And because of the difference in our sizes, I am physically moved from the location where I am standing when he does this. What is up with that? This has happened too often for me to consider it an accident or a problem with limited space in the pharmacy.

The result of all this is that whenever it even looks like Niagara is coming close to me, my body feels like it is going into "fight or flight" mode. I feel my heart beat pick up, my breathing gets shallow, and I basically brace myself for something unpleasant. Considering all the mental energy that it takes to even show up at this place, this amount of stress is just silly and unnecessary.

So why haven't I told him to stop, you ask? After all, I'm the pharmacist; I'm the boss.

Right.

Another one of those easier said than done situations. I might have mentioned that I have a problem setting physical boundaries, and I have a problem saying no. Well, that combination makes telling this guy to stop nearly impossible for me.

Instead, I told my therapist (indirectly), and we took the issue to EMDR. If you read my last few posts, you can sort of see where that took me. With EMDR, you never remain on the surface.

This is how things went last night at work. Niagara bumped me once, and I felt the stress rising in my body. He did not lay his hand on my shoulder, but he poked me with his finger once as he passed by me. Again, the cortisol rose.

However, this is what was different. I was not majorly disturbed when I felt him come near me. I still seemed to brace myself a little bit, but it is almost like the stress response was reduced by several notches. I understand that, ultimately, I have to be able to tell him to keep all his parts to himself, but I consider this progress. It's baby steps for me, folks. Maybe if I'm not having a panic attack (not literally) every time he walks by, I will eventually be able to just confront him (nicely).