EMDR Again?

As frightening as EMDR seems to me, I believe it is time to try again this week.

I ask myself, "Why do I want to put myself through this apparent torture?" It's clear that I don't want to remember. It would be like walking on a tightrope not knowing if the net below would really catch me if I fell. It would be like jumping off an airplane with only the promise that my parachute will open.

Yet, in spite of these fears, there are reasons to proceed:

1. Being present is just not possible.
2. I always want to cut.
3. ANGER, ANGER, ANGER!
4. Sadness, sadness, sadness...

Would it work? It would certainly be a leap of faith. And where would I begin again? Could I just say, "My stepfather abused me"? And what age does that go under? It happened for so long. How specific should I get? There are so many disgusting little memories. Should I recall them all?

I need to stop. I don't feel safe.