Downtime

"Downtime" is when no one expects anything of me. It is that time when I am free to do without interruptions and without questions.

Some time ago (maybe a year, maybe longer), I moved out of our master bedroom. It may have started when my husband had the flu, and I did not want to become ill myself. Then, it might have been because he tossed and turned too much during the night, and I could only get a full night's sleep if I slept alone. Then, it was because I could not stand to be near him.

I have become accustomed to this delicious time at night, when everyone goes to bed, and I close the door behind me...alone, finally, in my son's old room. Nobody expects me to turn out the lights at a certain time, or to return to bed and keep them company. No one expects anything of me. This is the time when I can write to my heart's delight without restraints (other than my body's sleep requirements). No one is asking, "What are you doing?" or "What are you reading?" There are no questions asked. There are no explanations to be made.

How can I ever give this up?

It seems as though my husband and I have been getting along lately...or maybe it's just the Mighty Cocaine High. At any rate, he has often proposed the idea of us sleeping in the same room again. I would seem natural that I would join him again. But where would my beloved private time go? There is no other way by which I am getting that. When would I write? The writing keeps me from becoming completely unraveled. It gets me through to the next day, or the next moment. How can I ever give that up?

How could I ever give up my downtime?