The Priest

I wrote the majority of this post yesterday immediately following this appointment. Time did not permit for me to complete the post, and I intended to finish it last night. As it turned out, things went downhill for me after I came home, and my mood dropped...dangerously low. I was in no frame of mind to write. I don't know how I will feel tonight, so I thought I would finish this and post it while I'm still feeling mentally capable. Thanks for reading.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

I had an appointment with my priest today. As I have mentioned in passing on this blog, I am a practicing Roman Catholic.

I had called to make this appointment a few days ago, for no other reason than because two people had asked me if I had thought about seeing my priest regarding my marital situation. To the first person I replied, "The thought has not crossed my mind." The second person was my mother, and because the seed had already been planted, I said to her, "I'm thinking about it."

...so I made an appointment.

Now, if getting out of bed for me lately has been nearly impossible, this morning I felt like just drowning in all the sheets and blankets. Upon opening my eyes, the first thing that I realized was that I had this appointment today. I groaned with regret and would have given anything to go back in time a few days and completely undo that phone call.

I don't know exactly what was making this meeting so dreadful to me. Perhaps it was knowing that I was going to once again have to talk about this very difficult subject - why I want to leave my husband. Maybe it was because I did not know exactly what this audience would accomplish. I was not interested in anybody talking me out of my decision. Was I looking for the Church's blessing in my desire to separate from my husband? Good luck with that!

I guess, ultimately, it just seemed like the right thing to do...and it was.

I think Father is no stranger to people being nervous when they come to see him. He opened the conversation by asking about my favorite topic in the whole wide world.

"How are the girls?"

"What are they into these days?"

Well, that put me completely at ease and turned me into quite a chatterbox for a good five minutes. I was then able to ease onto the reason for my visit without feeling like I was going to loose my last meal. The words were still difficult to say but not impossible. I said them...and the Temple did not fall!

He did not offer an opinion one way or another. There was no talk of Sacraments or commitments or vows, or even God for that matter...just a genuine concern for my well-being as well as my husband's well-being. He asked me if I was comfortable with him sitting down with my husband also, if he so desired. I had no objection as long as we did not have to go in together.

He told me I had a reputation in the church for being a good Mom! I had no idea. I didn't even know anyone noticed me.

At the end, he asked if I felt comfortable praying with him. When I said yes, he held out both his hands. I started to get nervous thinking, "Oh no! He wants to hold hands! I don't want to hold hands with anyone!" Then I told myself, "Calm down, Rising. It's OK to trust for just a few minutes. You'll be OK."

We held hands as he prayed for my children, for my husband and for me, and he gave thanks for the courage it took for me to initiate this meeting. It was the most peaceful moment of my entire day.