Words of Power

Yesterday, my husband woke up, came into my room and gave me a kiss on the cheek. After that, he spent twenty-four hours without speaking to me. If I entered a room, he would leave it. After several days of kissing me randomly, he offered me nothing more than a hand shake at the peace offering in Mass. No skin off my back, this is actually more appropriate behavior for what we are currently going through.

What fired me up was his about face this morning. Because the kids were off from school today, we had planned a day trip to a mountain town about two and a half hours west of were we live. Really, I had planned the trip, but he rearranged his schedule so that he could be off work and go on the trip with us. After yesterday, I was really dreading his company on this trip. You can imagine my relief when he announced this morning that he would be staying home instead to catch up on some chores.

...Except that our youngest begged him to come...so he changed his mind...and his attitude...and his entire demeanor.

I came out of the shower, and he was flirting with me. He asked me for a kiss. He was joyful and pleasant. He acted as if the last twenty-four hours had never happened - a complete change of script without warning.

I couldn't stand it. "What is wrong with you?" I asked

"What?"

"You haven't spoken to me in twenty-four hours, and now suddenly you want me to kiss you and you're acting like everything is just fine? Are you kidding me? What is wrong with you?"

"I was just having a bad day yesterday. Sometimes what's going on with us is just too much, and I have a hard time with it. I'm sorry if I had a bad day."

"So you had a bad day. You can have a bad day. What bothers me is that you just have this about face, and then you expect me to just roll with your emotions. It doesn't work like that. People can't just be sad when you're sad and happy when you're happy and roll around with your emotions. Nobody does that!"

"You're right. I'm sorry."

This was my moment of strength...words that I have been wanting to say to him for so many years (it's not the first time this kind of behavior has occurred). For a few seconds, I borrowed words right from my therapist's mouth and thought, "What would happen if I said...?

"Well, I really just want to go on this trip alone with the kids. I need to recuperate from your bad day, and I need some space."

I cannot begin to tell you how strong and powerful I felt saying that. I said it calmly but with conviction. There was not hesitation or fear in my voice. I felt powerful, not because I was abusing or belittling someone else, but because I was asking for what I legitimately needed at that particular time. I was so proud that I wanted to kiss myself all over!

The kids and I had a marvelous girls' day out. I enjoyed their beautiful company, and I felt lighter and more carefree than I have felt in a very long time.