Oh, what a magical evening it was last night! Three families, five children, great food, lovely conversation.
It has turned into somewhat of a tradition. The families of the three children who moved from the Montessori school to the special program at the new school where my daughter attends now take turns hosting dinner at their homes. The children were all classmates last year, and they have known each other since they were four years old. They are my daughter and her two good friends.
I began this at the end of the summer, when I invited both families to dine at my house and finalize transportation arrangements that had been talked about throughout the summer. A few weeks after school began, the second family followed suit, and last night the third family hosted us. Each of us has prepared our own ethnic foods for the enjoyment of the others, and the kids with their siblings have had a fabulous time.
It was a deceivingly perfect evening. The children were extremely well-behaved, and my husband was on his best behavior....ever! He was engaged and pleasant the entire evening, never an ugly comment or expression escaping from him. It was so easy to forget last night everything we have been through during the past month (and fourteen years). It was so easy to see how wonderful life could be for us. After all, here we were enjoying an evening with friends the way "normal people" do. It was so easy to think that perhaps he could have changed forever and life would be this nice for us.
...I was enchanted.
...It was an enchanted evening.
...I was under a spell.
This can never be true. I can never forget the hurt. I can never believe that he means to change anything about him for longer than it would take for me to change my mind, forgive him and remain with him.
I can never believe that he is ever going to respect me the way that I deserve to be respected.
It's time to remove the magical veil.
Pleased you had such a pleasant evening
ReplyDeleteThank you. It was like being in a bubble for the night.
DeleteThank you for sharing your wonderful evening. Something that my therapist always tells me is "when you are having a moment of goodness, it doesn't mean that the pain and the hurt is gone, and we surely wont forget the hard we are in"..
ReplyDeleteI think sometimes we dont allow ourselves to REALLY havea good time or be happy because we are sometimes afraid others will forget what we are going through. I go through the same things. When I have a really good day, I am happy, but I am also afraid that it means my pain doesn't matter, that the ONE GOOD DAY will be covered by the all the bad I am going through and I dont want people who support me to not see the hard.
I am so glad that you had a good time .. and at the same time those who support you have not forgotten what you are going through and we are still here.
Thank you, Karen. I really appreciate your support. What I worry about is that my husband will forget all the hurt and pain that he has caused if I allow myself to have a pleasant evening with him. I am afraid that he will think that everything is magically OK between us because we were able to enjoy a night with friends. Worse than that, I fear that having a nice evening with him means I have let my guard down and made myself vulnerable to being hurt again by him...something I should never do again.
DeleteVERY true, I so get what you are saying. I will continue to pray and hope for good nights like that, that is my hope for you, and if it's not, your not alone and you have support on your side :)
Delete
DeleteOften, just knowing that makes me stronger.
Good to see you had some fun. What is your ethnic food if you don't mind me asking?
ReplyDeleteIndeed, it was an evening for forgetting our cares. When I hosted, I made Spanish food.
DeleteSounds delicious. Lucky them!
Delete