The Octopus

My husband has two modes now: one in which he does not speak to me or acknowledge me and the other where he turns into an "octopus". Currently, he is in the octopus mode, grabbing me and touching me at will regardless of my verbal no's and physical rejections. While I am pushing one hand off of me, he is grabbing or pinching my breast with the other one. I feel humiliated and certainly objectified when he does this. Or he might stand in a certain place while I am getting ready in the morning, so that I have to walk by him as he steps closer to me and I am forced to rub against his erection. How does he think this is OK??

"I love you, and I want you to love me and want me too", he says.

"This has the opposite effect", I reply. "It repels me!"

"This is dead", I told him this morning, "and I will never feel about you the same way that I used to."

Yet, this evening he was making plans for the future and showing me furniture for the kids' room. What a convoluted life I am living, and I am exhausted from it.

I want to unlock the door to peace and rest...