Taking Down Christmas

"Would you like a little reward for your efforts?", he asked me from the doorway.

"I've already had a piece of chocolate", I replied suspecting the usual...that his "reward" entailed something sexual. He continued to repeat the question, until I finally said yes, because I did not want him to think that I assumed anything. At this point he presented me with his erection.

"I don't want that", I said as I moved past him and disappeared upstairs.

I was taking down Christmas. This is a job that is usually difficult for me even on the years that I enjoyed putting up Christmas. It is tedious and messy and always falls on me. This year, the task was made even more unpleasant by the fact that I had not wanted to put all those ornaments and decorations out in the first place! But, alas, the job had to be done, and my reward would be to see the cleanliness and tidiness of the place once the last box had been put away.

I did not bargain for the incessant hammering that I endured during the last leg of my work.

"The girls seem to be pretty occupied."

"Yes, they are", I agreed.

"You've done a pretty good job down here."

"Thank you."

Then he repeated himself over and over with random intervals in between. After about the second or third time, I realized that he was inviting me to join him privately. I asked him why he kept repeating himself. "I'm just stating something. Make of it what you want." This translated to me as "Take the bait if you want." Well, I didn't want to, so I remained quiet while he continued to repeat himself. It was maddening. As I previously mentioned, the work was hard enough, but to do it under these exasperating conditions was a battle uncalled for.

I did not understand why a grown man would purposely engage in such irritating behavior. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to rage and scream at him that I never want to have sex with him again, but I also understood that he was trying to wear me down and provoke me. I knew that the minute I reacted, his alibi would be that he never mentioned anything about having sex.

"What is his power?", I heard my therapist ask me in the back of my mind. I realized that his only power would be the power that I give him, so I remained silent with that thought in my head.

"You forgot one", he yelled from the kitchen. "Would you like for me to bring it to you?"

"Yes, please. What did I forget?", I replied, grateful that he changed his script.

In minutes, he appeared in the living room in his underwear with the mistletoe that I had forgotten to take down taped just above his penis. He stood there waiting for my reaction. Just to be perfectly clear, I looked at him straight in the eye and told him, "No, I don't want to kiss you under the mistletoe."

This is the same man who just weeks ago got down on his knees and begged me not to walk away from our marriage. This is the same man who also said that he loved me so much that he would be willing to forgo the sexual aspect of our relationship if it meant we would still remain together. The same one who said he wanted to be the man in my life who made me happy. The one who said he loved me, who called me beautiful and amazing.

...I almost believed him.