Repairing the Hurt

I am the proud owner of a new...car payment!! Yes, I went out and bought another van...just like I said I would.

The importance of this event may not be obviously apparent, so I will begin by sharing that I have never bought a vehicle without the company of a man. This one I bought completely on my own...just my girls and I at a dealership looking for a minivan. What bliss!

I knew what I was looking for...the same make and model that I drove before, perhaps a different color just for the sake of change (although the other color was my favorite). This time, however, the girls really wanted the Rear Entertainment System (DVD player in the back).

So I traded in my sedan and drove home with a 2014 minivan for the price that I wanted...and wouldn't you know it, the only van in the lot with the Rear Entertainment System was the same color as our old van...we had to have it! LOL!

I am so proud of myself in so many different levels for this accomplishment. First, there is the idea of being able to successfully negotiate in what traditionally is a man's world. I held my own...I stood my ground...I got what I wanted.

More importantly, however, is the act of reclaiming a part of me that had been violated. As I drove home, I began to feel like I had reestablished a space that could not be taken away from me. This was not a gift that could be reclaimed at someone else's whim. This was something that I had obtained by my own means with no one else's hands in it.

There is still a bag left in the dining room with my belongings from the other van in it. I had not been able to approach that bag without feelings of hurt and anger revisiting me. I finally feel like I can peacefully go through those items and reposition them in the vehicle that I am driving now.

As far as my husband goes...well he's very happy for me. You see, I never berated him for having taken van the way that he did. I merely explained to him the reasons why I could never take that vehicle back, why I could never drive it again. He understood very well the hurt that he caused me, but he also understood that I was going to do something to repair that hurt...on my own.