Walking Through the Storm

Where do I begin? How do I begin to explain the exhaustion that overcame me today? I went to EMDR, I wrote, I met my husband for lunch, then I went home and tried to fold laundry. Instead, I fell asleep on the floor next to the bed...I was limp tired.

After sleeping for about two hours, my husband wanted attention. He asked, and I did not say no, although I knew that I was feeling very fragile. I guess I thought the long nap may have helped.

It did not. Nothing felt right, and I fought him and pushed him away with every touch. I was not his wife, but a young girl pushing her stepfather away. At the end of it all, I curled up on his chest and cried. I thought I would drown in that pain. This time he knew that I was crying. I don't remember the last time that I allowed myself to be this vulnerable with him. He held me for as long as I needed to be held and then asked how I was feeling.

I still cannot believe this is the same man that I knew a month ago! But I also can't believe how I responded. I was open with him. I told him I was feeling fragile and that EMDR was hard...all day long. I NEVER talk to him about how EMDR feels!

God help me get through tonight...and tomorrow, for I am sad and afraid...and I hurt in a place so primitive that I don't know how to reach it. God grant me the courage to walk through this storm.

 

 

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark

At the end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of the lark

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown

Walk on walk on with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

 

(from You'll Never Walk Alone, R. Rogers/O. Hammerstein II)