I have decided to try another session of EMDR tomorrow. I am scared out of my mind...but I want to do it. Why? Because I think it's helping.
The idea of jumping off the cliff again, not knowing where the hell I'm going to land is incredibly frightening. I am afraid of what dark tunnel I'm going to go through. Yes, I am afraid of the pain, afraid of losing control, of hurting so much that I just won't be able to hold it together. Sometimes I just have to look away. I try to escape by looking out the window (I like it when the blinds are open).
It's the same feeling every time. Tomorrow I will be brave again, but I will be nervous just before we begin...just before that moment when I voluntarily plunge myself into suffocating darkness.
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