Oh, how I missed my writing! Vacation was lovely. The only thing missing was...the writing. The only thing I longed for was this time of the night when I close the door behind me, and I am alone with my computer, my thoughts and my writing. What a delicious time this is. I just close my eyes and let the thoughts flow freely as I blindly type...the words come so much easier that way.
When packing for this trip, at the last minute I opted to not take the laptop with me. Although I imagined that I would want to write, I did not anticipate having the liberty to do so...and such was the case. Vacationing with two families of four hardly affords you the opportunity for private introspective time. When the urge just needed to be tamed, I slipped away to an ocean facing deck with the "Diary" app on my phone and let the rhythm of the ocean coax my thoughts onto that miniature device.
That ocean never disappoints. It delivers exactly the remedy that I go seeking. From the deck of a beach house or a chair on the sand, the lullaby of its washing on and off the shore renders peaceful repose. If it is my anger that needs expression, then a corrida with those magnificent waves usually tames that bull. I found myself diving through that animal and emerging on the other side, while it angrily crashed on the shore...I laughing madly and at the same time triumphantly as I wiped the brine from my face, like Lieutenant Dan in the storm scene from Forrest Gump shouting out, "Is that all you got?"
...but the ocean was not always angry, and I was not always angry. The best medicine this week was administered via a couple of little girls who played with me in the surf. My older daughter, finally a strong enough swimmer to flow with the ocean, frolicked in the waves right along with me. When I ran a mile and a half barefoot in the soft wet sand, she ran the first half mile with me...showing me that her strength and her determination match mine...any day!
My baby had been splashing on the shore with her daddy and was content...for a while, until she decided that watching her sister and two cousins having a ball chest deep in the ocean was no way to live life. She begged me to bring her in the water with me. Even after considering how easily this mighty ocean could carry her slight little body with it, the prospect of her maddening joy weighed my decision to bring her in. She wrapped her long thin limbs around my neck and my waist, and I held her tightly against me with one arm, while swimming and balancing with the other. I don't think I had ever seen this child so delighted. She screamed and laughed with her entire body, as we jumped to stay above the waves or surrendered to the ones that crashed over us.
Her face was next to mine, her tiny lips expressing her love in all the ways that they knew how. Because she had just snacked on gingersnaps on the shore, she herself smelled like a gingerbread girl that you just wanted to eat up!
...and it was with this gingerbread breath that she turned to me and whispered, "I am special."
Of course you are, my darling, of course you are...and don't ever let anyone convince you otherwise.
This was a beautiful post. Absolutely beautiful. Sounds to me like you need to go to the beach more often. It is lovely to have you back once again. MMS
ReplyDeleteThank you MMS. I grew up about 30 minutes from the ocean. In my 20's, I always kept a beach bag packed in my car, ready for an impromptu swim. Truly, the ocean is my comfort zone.
ReplyDeleteI moved to this area for good reasons, and the only regret I have is not having moved closer to the ocean. Now the spot we like to visit (the place I call "God's Country") is a 5 hour drive away...but well worth it. I do wish I could return more often.
Welcome back :) Good to read that you had such a great time with your family...love the last sentences of your post. So beautiful!
ReplyDeleteThanks Grace! You gotta love that girl!!
DeleteNow, when her mother knows her own 'special-ness' . . .or, as Father Henri Nouwen called it . . .God's "Beloved' . . .will that not be Very Special !
ReplyDeleteYes, it will be!
DeleteI try to learn from my children, and sometimes I hear myself telling them things that I would like to tell my own inner girl.
I think that last line of the post was as much for my benefit as it was for my daughter's.