Dreaming about Mom

I dreamt about my mother last night. I was participating in some kind of educational program for girls/women It was of short-term duration, such as a weekend or something like that. We (the students) were all very excited about this opportunity, and the atmosphere was high-spirited, giddy and chatty. The grounds were gorgeous, and I felt special to be involved in such and event.

We were walking as a group to have lunch. It would be outdoors on one of the grounds' many beautiful sites. A woman who seemed to be an organizer (but not an instructor) approached me and let me know that there was a girl who was interested in learning some things about us and the program...ask us some questions. I told her that we would be happy to have her join us for lunch and that she should jut follow us to where we were going and sit with us.

She did not understand what I was saying, and I stepped out of the line to explain things better to her. My group moved on without me, and I saw that my Mom and my youngest daughter had come to join me for lunch. I was ecstatic but had now lost my group and didn't know exactly where to go. I told them we should move in the direction that they went and try to find them so that we could all have lunch together.

The ground was very bumpy, and my Mom fell out of her wheelchair twice while we were pushing her. She became very quiet, and I could tell that she was sad and embarrassed that this had happened...despite my consolation. I looked and looked but never found my group. As much as I was happy to see my Mom, I felt crushed to have missed out on the opportunity to learn and eat with the other women.

I woke up feeling depressed and lethargic. I knew I had to write. Today, I will throw myself into my work and try not to think or feel...except about pharmacy. I understand why people do this. It certainly is better than alcohol. I'll see how I feel tonight and probably write again.