All I Want to do is Hurt

My mind and my wrists are both numb...one from the alcohol and the other from the ice. How long can I do this? All night long.

I told my therapist that I wouldn't hurt myself this weekend...just ice. But, shit, it's going to take a boatload of ice to get through this. All I want to do is hurt...in a sick kind of way. To feel the sharp sting of the blade carving tracks in my skin. But I substitute the ice instead, and hold it indefinitely against my wrist letting the numbing pain draw out the rage, the fear, the hurt and the tears.

Mostly, though, I don't want to hurt anymore.