Getting down to the nitty-gritty, what the hell shook my ground so much? An accumulation of things, one of which was my younger brother. I can't write about his situation, only about my response to it...and not all of it...just a little tonight to keep from hurting myself.
I hurt for him. I don't expect anyone reading this to understand why without know the background. I just need to start getting the words out...I never talk about this.
How is it that a pain so profound can keep me from even writing to him? It hurts to write...and it hurts not to. I want to cry all over a letter, open my sobbing heart to him, let him read the smeared handwriting...so he would know how I feel.
But doesn't he need me to be strong? He needs my support. He needs my encouraging words. I can do that too, but then I'd have to shut the pain up again...so I don't.
Not to be preachy . . . (though maybe I could) , but it is written somewhere that there are times to weep with those who weep. Maybe your tears to your brother might actually be a connection. . . .
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