The Ice on my Wrists

Why the fuck does it feel so good?...the ice on my wrists. It's like a sedative. I breathe deep, close my eyes and feel the wave of calm wash across my brain...all while holding an ice cube on my wrist.

I drove and hour and a half to be sure to stay out of the house today. I shopped with my kids. It was a good distraction...didn't think about any of this all day.

...Until I was back in my town. The thoughts and the feelings returned. I grew agitated and desperate for some time alone.

I reached for the ice as soon as the kids were in bed...just ice.

I will not cut today.