I Am Still Angry!

I assure you that this post is not coherent. I just felt the need to write these random thoughts tonight, that are driving me mad. I felt the need to put them down so that they don't get tangled up in my mind.

I AM STILL ANGRY! I see images from EMDR yesterday, and I want to throw things! I want to smash things! I want to scream! I want to punch the wall, break a chair, do something that will scream out to the world I AM STILL ANGRY!! Why do I feel like I am still on the EMDR train?

I want to be held...not just by anyone...by the mother bird...like the picture I saw. I want to say, "Mother protect me", and hide under the safety of her wing.

I feel so strange. I keep closing my eyes and shaking my head "no". I don't know who or what I am saying no to, but the motion itself brings a certain level of comfort. The tighter I close my eyes, the faster I shake my head. It feels almost involuntary. Stay away...I won't go...I won't do it...I won't remember.

I should go to sleep...before I hurt myself. It's a shame that it's so late...for I would like to sleep indefinitely.