During today's session with my therapist, he asked me to remind him of my mother's health condition. The question almost brought me to tears. As a matter of fact, I cried on the way home.
"My mother is in a wheelchair", I said, pausing to consider explaining to the intern how she came to be in that wheelchair. I opted to proceed with the happy beach story that I had been telling as part of the EMDR therapy we began today. I could not offer that explanation because stepfather stories just were not leaving my lips this morning.
This is how my mother came to be a paraplegic. On a hot summer day years ago, my stepfather shot her and my grandmother because my mother wanted a divorce. She was tired of living in an abusive marriage. He killed my grandmother and left my mother paraplegic. He then fled and has never been found.
I was 16 when this happened. This should be on the list of Things That Should not Have Happened. I just could not bring myself to say it this morning. The words simply could not come out. The memory hurts to the point of tears. I wish I could have said that, but I truly had no voice for those words, only for the happy beach story...and that's the one I told.
We say what we can say when and as we are able.
ReplyDeleteI feel so sorry about what happened when you’re sixteen. That could have been a traumatic experience to you. But as we always say, “Que sera, sera.” What will happen is beyond our control. Let’s just be thankful that your mother survived, and you are doing a good job taking care of her. Don’t lose hope. I know you will be able to move on.
ReplyDeleteTaneka Carl