The race will be in September (at the beginning of the school year) and out of state. Participating would require a long drive and an overnight stay. I was honored by the invitation, but my first reaction was, "Oh no, I can't do that."
Actually, I can do that. Although I am currently in no physical condition to run any race, I have more than enough time between now and September to get in tip top shape. Also, the race falls on a weekend when my husband is off from work. This means he would be able to stay with the children while I make the trip with my friend. She and I could drive together and even room together in order to share the expenses.
So why won't I allow myself?
What are the reasons that keep me from enjoying this amazing experience with other women? These are a few that I can think of:
- My family comes before me, and I cannot leave the children home alone with Dad for an entire weekend. I cannot abandon them like that.
- I am not important enough to take a weekend free of parenting duties in order to enjoy the company of other women and participate in an event that will bring me a sense of monumental accomplishment and immense pride.
- I am afraid my husband will agree to help with the kids, even encourage me, only to lay a guilt trip on me upon my return.
- I am afraid the race will fall on a weekend when there is something important going on for the kids, and either they will not be able to participate, or they will participate and I will miss it.
- Participating in women only events is something other women do...not me. I don't have enough courage or self-love to do that.
I know these reasons seem illogical, but they are real to me. They are honestly the hurdles that keep me tripping on my way to felicity.
I want to run this race with my friend...after I conquer these hurdles...one by one.
An "oldie goldie" book . . .How to be Your Own Best Friend
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