Cutting

Cutting comes and goes for me. I have not cut in over 5 years. That is a very long time for a person with this disease.

Cutting has returned to me. I have been able to resist, but the urges keep coming back. I sit on my bed touching and feeling my wrists, looking at them. I do not dare have a blade in the same room as I am.

This is how I have managed.

But I imagine the sting of the slice. I can almost feel it...bringing me to life.
I can almost feel it...bringing me some calm.

But I will not do it.
I have a good long clean record,
And tonight, I will not damage it. I will not damage myself.

I don't deserve that kind of treatment.
I am the center of my family, the center of my home.
I am needed whole and present.

Tonight, I will rest.