They Never Saw It

Already I am beginning to feel different...different than the other mothers who are married. I have begun to tell the mothers of some of my children's friends...because they have heard it from their children, who heard it from my children and their mothers did not believe them.

"I'm so sorry", the tell me quietly and painfully, "I never would have imagined".

They could not see it. They could not see my pain and my sadness. They could not see the years of hurt. I played my part so well. I hosted the playdates, I attended the dinner parties, I carpooled, I went to the meetings, I volunteered and I chaperoned field trips...and I did it all with a smile. Of course I did; I was always happy when I was with the other mothers.

Now I am opening a window and allowing them to look inside. I am no longer pretending. "Yes, it is true", I told one mother today. "What my daughter said to your daughter is right. We are moving to your neighborhood...just the girls and me. Come, follow me, and I will show you the house where we will live."

The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I tried!

Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know
Well, now they know!

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door!

I don't care
What they're going to say
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway!

 

(from Let It Go, Idina Menzel)