Don't tell me you're sorry 'cause you're not
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught
But you put on quite a show
Really had me going
But now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow
Grab your clothes and get gone
You better hurry up
Before the sprinklers come on
Talking' bout'
Girl, I love you, you're the one
This just looks like a re-run
Please, what else is on?
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught
But you put on quite a show
Really had me going
But now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow
Grab your clothes and get gone
You better hurry up
Before the sprinklers come on
Talking' bout'
Girl, I love you, you're the one
This just looks like a re-run
Please, what else is on?
(from Take a Bow, Rihanna)
This was today...calling me at work...repeating how much he loves me...letting me know that he is going to see an attorney, not because he wants to but because he has no choice. Talking about how he wants our marriage to work in a way that makes me happy. REALLY???
Normally, I would remain silent upon hearing these words...in order to not summon painful emotions...in order to not make a scene at work.
...but I didn't care today. I wanted to shout out my truth. I spoke to him in the back aisle of the pharmacy. When he called again, I spoke to him at my station...in the open...with the new technician standing beside me waiting her turn to ask me a question. I didn't care who knew, I was tired of holding it in. I told him I could not believe that he loved me based on the way he had been treating me, and I was no longer interested in being treated that way. Everything that he told me, I had heard so many times before. It all truly sounded like a re-run. I cannot live like that anymore.
All this, however, took an emotional toll on me. I am drained. I called my therapist, and he helped me finish my work day. I had been shaking and on the verge of tears after each exchange my husband. Tonight, the ice on my wrists brought me so much relief. I physically relaxed, and I could feel the tension in my head ease...my headache nearly disappear.
It wasn't cutting...just a really good substitute.
Good for you for speaking your truth. Gah, I know how difficult it is to keep it together at work when emotional stuff like this is going on. I hope they understand and are somewhat supportive and sympathetic. Your husband is not making this very easy, is he?
ReplyDeleteFortunately, the people I was working with that day were pretty good at pretending that nothing was going on and everything was normal. As far as my husband, he seems to beholding on to the very last thread.
DeleteHold on to your truth . . .
ReplyDeleteI will...deeply.
DeleteWith each recent email and each word of this post, I can sense you gaining so much strength and certainty for your new future with the girls. I can't imagine just how tough this process is, but I'm here cheering you on. Keep your focus on the final result, when you can be more at ease and at peace with life and in your own home
ReplyDeleteThank you, Cat. I am currently at peace...in my own home. My delay in replying was because my internet service had not been installed yet in the new place, but I couldn't wait to share this news.
Delete