I CAN'T CUT!!!
...because in just a few weeks, I will be chaperoning an out of state field trip with my daughter. My cuts don't heal that fast, and the scars tend to linger. I have considered cutting more concealed areas, but the sensation just would not be the same. I like to cut my wrists. I want to cut my wrists.
I want to numb myself. I want to forget that today I see the lawyer. I want to forget every word that he said to me yesterday...every "I love you" and "I need you". I want to go numb, because right now, I am doubled over in pain
...and I don't want to feel. The blade is my drug. I crave it...want it...need it. I imagine myself high on the sting of a slice...and then another...and another. I want to be oblivious to the world that is around me and the mess that is my life.
Ice it . . . til it hurts if need be.
ReplyDeleteI have a cup of ice in the room with me.
DeleteI once heard of someone drawing cuts on their body using red ink, and then add little black marks across the pretend-cut, to represent the stitches. For me, that might be a bit too much like the real thing and could maybe even draw you in closer to doing it for real
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting on this, Cat. This was probably one of those "hard to take" posts.
DeleteFor me it's more about the sensation than it is the visual. In fact, the cleaner the better. An alternative would bring me a similar sensation to cutting.
I agree with you, the visual might be a little bit too much for me...but for some people the visual is important.