Self-Care

I don't have much to say, but I decided that I would write every day until the next time that I see my therapist. It's not that I have a need to broadcast anything of importance or even to offload anything. It's just self-care. I have a need to write.

I'm going down, I know, and I won't see him until after Thanksgiving week - December 1st to be precise. Until then, I have to do the best that I can to keep myself afloat. The first thing I did was to call and make an appointment to see him. I needed to know that there was a specific date that I need to make it to. Having this appointment on the calendar lets me know that I need to hang on...but not indefinitely.

Next, I needed to figure out what would help me hang on until that date. In the past, writing has helped me get out of my head. I can scream, I can cry, I can get it all out of my head when I write. I also know that sometimes, in the past, I have been too depressed to even write. I have felt unable to reach out of my darkness, unable to put the hurting into words. I thought maybe if I just told myself to write every day, no matter how little or much I have to say, maybe even if I fell that low, I would still write, I would still reach out...just out of habit. It would just be part of going through the motions

I chose to write in this blog rather than in a private journal, because I also need to feel a connection. Once it begins, I tend to feed my depression with isolation. I don't want to do that. Writing in this blog means that sometimes people will read and leave comments. When they do, I know that I am not alone, and it feels like having a branch to hold on to.

So this is it, these are my steps toward self-care. I cannot believe that it is me writing this. I have come a long way. I have been here before, but like I wrote at the end of this post, I stand on different ground now.