Music Therapy

It's been hard to write lately. I just want to keep to myself, although I think that writing all my thoughts down might help. The thing is that sometimes I just don't want to think.

...so I've taken to the piano. The fine arts - magnificent ways to express our emotions without having to think about our emotions. There is a tune that I remember from high school. It is fast, full of staccatos and impossible 16th notes. I play it angry and with force, pounding the heel of my foot on the floor to keep the time. My body is erect, and my arms carry the force and the strength that my fingers require to play those notes loudly and deliberately, so as to be unmistakably heard. It is a full body experience.

Then there is Edelweiss - new music that I am learning. Written in a minor scale, it is melancholic and flowing. The mere act of putting the beautiful notes together on the piano with my own hands and fingers allows me to feel my own sadness without having to think about the cause of it. With soft, feathery fingers and hands, I sway across the keyboard simply feeling the melody in my heart.

I know that it is not always good to block out the cause of our emotions. Sometimes, we have to identify things. I am sure I have identified my reasons. I just can't keep thinking about them. This was how I coped as a teenager. I wrote poetry with meanings that people did not understand, and I played music that expressed my feelings without anyone knowing what it was doing.

Sometimes we regress.